Uncomfortable with Feelings!

To really live is to allow yourself to feel exactly the way you are feeling….

Learning to accept all emotions no matter what they are, is  very very difficult. We are conditioned by society to believe that we should be happy all the (freaking) time, which quite frankly is impossible and not a way to live a life.

This beautifully simple philosophy “let all the emotions have their moment”, really is key to a fulfilled wonderful life. Feel everything and let these feeling wash over you like water, and sometimes they might be a hail storm but all storms do pass. This philosophy changed my life.

The thing is that if you take Marge Simpson’s advice (which is the exact advice lot of people / parents give) below, you might fit in and divorce yourself from your true feelings for a while but believe me they will explode to the surface and can make big mess. BIG mess!

It doesn’t matter how you feel inside, you know. It’s what shows up on the outside that counts. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down past your knees, until you’re almost walking on them. And then you’ll fit in, and you’ll be invited to parties, and boys will like you. And happiness will follow ~ Marge Simpson

Practice being in the moment, when you are feeling a strong emotion check in and see what is going on in your body and mind. Are they connected or are their messages mixed up. Breath and gently investigate what is happening without judgement. Also when you don’t connect with emotions you can react in an unconscious way.

I have found that sitting with difficult emotions means they move along in a timely way. Rather than fighting them with all my mental might, which seems to be an invitation to stay longer.

The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris is a great read and has wonderful tools that can help you learn to accept that being happy is not the only indication of a good life.

The Happiness Trap

And Rumi poem is perfect to print out and pop on the mirror or fridge or anywhere. It will help you keep connected to the moment and remind you of the importance of a emotional life.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Getting lost!!!!

I have Been a bit lost lately. A number of years ago I wrote and illustrated a book about living with anxiety, self published it and even got it into a number of book stores across Australia. And then I panicked, and did not follow through. Instead of promoting by book I let ‘Living with Little Chicken’ gather dust.

Why?

I think there is a few reasons to this; and you might relate if you have lost your way.

One: I forgot why I wrote the book

I lost my vision and purpose which made it hard to find the energy to promote it e.g. Blogging and facebook.

I wrote the book to bridge the gap between the big hitters such as Eckhart Tolle and Jon Kabat-Zinn. These guys are wonderful however when I was going through a very difficult time their books were overwhelming and would often leaving me frustrated or feeling like a failure.

During a very difficult time I needed to get back to basics, simplify how I saw my emotions and feelings. I have never accepted negative emotions and as a young person I was often told to get over it. So as part of my therapy I started to check in with how I felt and created doodles to represent these feelings. This really helped, I was able to connect and sit with these emotions, no matter how bad they were.

The amazing this is the more I sat with my feeling the quicker they were able to flow over me. This was huge epiphany for me, I would have a horrendous time but it would pass quickly.

The book is about reminding people to connect how they felt and giving them tools to sit with these feelings.

Two: Hope

I was really hoping that the book would just take off and that it would get picked up by publishers. A bit delusional you might think, perhaps so. But is it rather a neat book. I was hoping for a successful outcome such as the likes of the Blue Day Book: A Lesson in Cheering Yourself by Bradley Trevor Greive. You can read about this inspiring, generous guy on his web site. http://btgstudios.com/

I think that this plan also means that I would not have to face rejection if I actually sent my book to publishers. Not a partially useful business plan… wait for the universe to pull some strings. I know it can happen but more the exception to the rule.

Three: Crappy stupid book (A contradiction of two)

I am not worth anything, my book is worthless and I am just an average person who has nothing to offer anyone*

I worked for two years on the book while working full time, and I worked hard. But if you asked me if I have ever sent my book to a publisher the answer would be ‘Nope’, and then you might ask why?

To which I would reply in abject Terror, ….’that they would reject me’!

* I have a blog in mind that will talk about ‘it is great to be average!’

HuGs and love

Nena Anne

Someday you just want to hide away – Helpful self-talk time!

For days when you don’t feel like doing anything at all!

There are days when you will not feel like hiding a way and you desperately want to be left alone. You are not FINE, and would like to just sit with feeling this way. And because we know all feelings will pass this can be the best thing to do, just sit with yourself and your mood. Investigate your thoughts and feeling, what is going on and perhaps you will find that there is a part of you that requires attention.

But what if your circumstances do not allow you to take the day off, in a perfect world you would but as we know the world does not always feel perfect to us. So what can you do? For me this is a time of helpful self-talk, that little power mantras can get you through the day. Mine is:

• Just keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

I love this very simple helpful thought, I read it in a book many years ago (unfortunately I cannot remember the name of the book or find it again) in the past it has really got me through the day. As soon as I know that I need to participate in the world, and I am not feeling up to it I start looping this in my head.

Just moment by moment keep moving forward, get out of bed, have a shower, make a cup of tea just keep moving forward. Once you get the momentum up you will find that you can make it out the door. And let people know you are not at your best, so you don’t have to put on an act. You like everyone is allowed a bad day.

However do be mindful that there is a difference between getting through the day and masking to pain with denial. So when you do get a chance take some time out and have a look within.

How do you feel on Mondays?